Remembering

On our recent trip to Cali I was reminded of the times spent on that california freeway. Rob and I fell in love 15 years ago on that road. We took our children to Disneyland many times on that road. And infact we celebrated being cancer free ( or so we thought) just a few months before we learned the truth We traveled to visit his mom when she lived in newport on that road. We traveled many times on that same road to visit his sister in arrowhead. The California freeway was how we provided product to our business for over seven years. And we drove down that road for the three weeks that we stayed near ucla for rob to complete his emt training. Then last year.... What a crazy, dumb, amazing, spiritual, uplifting trip that road lead us on. Last year was just Rob and I headed down that road to find a CURE. We traveled again to UCLA, cedar sinai and mexico on that trip I wish I could remember all the discussions in more detail that we had on that trip. That trip was about connecting with each other on a higher level then this earth is meant for. That trip came just after his doctor told us that rob would not be raising his girls. That road brought our eternal sealing to a whole new level. Because when you are given a time limit on this earth you sure do tell and show your eternal companion the love that you feel for them. Can't wait for the road that leads to our reunion

Sunglasses

Everyday small miracles are performed in my life that my eyes are opened to. Today I was driving home from an aerobics class. All morning I had been thinking about getting a drink from jamba juice after the class. My head was zoned in on getting that sweet smoothie as a reward for completing the class. As I was driving I was wondering where my new sunglasses were. I accidentally got off on the wrong exit. I know my side of town very well and I was so surprised that I had done this. This particular freeway exit leads to robs grave. We just visited his grave two days ago and I really didn't think that I needed to visit the grave. I was in a hurry to get to jamba juice and had a limited amount of time since my visiting teachers were visiting me at 10:30 and it was 10:15. But since I had pulled off on the exit that lead to rob I decided to change my plans and forego my smoothie. I went to his headstone and found a surprise... My sunglasses sitting beautifully on his headstone! I know this is a small miracle but things like this happen to me everyday. I know rob is still here helping me in any way that he can. I am waiting for the day that the exit that I take will lead to our reunion until then I will follow his promptings and appreciate his sweet loving gestures from beyond the grave.

Exhaustion

Tonight I am grateful for exhaustion! Sometimes with a full plate I often wish that my body would not need to rest. I could get so much more done if i could just have those sleep hours to clear my plate But it's nights like tonight that I am grateful for the deep sleep that comes from pure exhaustion. Tonight my soul was cleansed. Just when my body can physically take no more tears and my ducts are all dried up and just when I cry out in so much emotional sorrow and pain I calmly fall asleep. I'm sure that in our heavenly fathers miraculous creation of his children he made exhaustion and sleep knowing that we would need a break from our physical and emotional challenges that we endure in life. What a brilliant idea! Because In the morning I will be refreshed and it will be a new day. The sun will shine on me and I will be reminded of my eternal belief and I will make it through another day.

Falling in love

15 years ago I fell in love with Rob on a trip to California and a few weeks ago I feel in love with his cute 9 year old, Joslyn. When I was 16 and I worked at the hard rock cafe, I won a trip to Disneyland for two. So rob and I Took off to Disney. We ate at the rainforest cafe and spent a day at Disney and a day at balboa island. I fell deeply madly in love with that young 17 year old cutie.
A few weeks ago I needed to get out of town and so my cute 9 year old ( who looks just like her daddy) Took off for some sunshine. First stop seaworld, then Disney, then universal and the beach In between every single day. It was amazing. I held her hand every chance I had ( lets face it soon she will not allow me to hold her hand) we stopped at every store she wanted to see. ( soon she will prefer to shop with her friends) we looked at a bazillion mood rings and neon sunglasses. We ate as much icecream as we wanted. We bought a boogie board and enjoyed being beach bums. We stayed out late and just enjoyed our time together. It reminded me of my trip to Cali with rob when we were just kids. There aren't many years left that Joslyn will want to hang out together and do all these fun things. Kids really do grow up too fast. I fell in love with my daughter and it was awesome.

Still finding joy

1) amazing trip to Cali with joslyn. Some well needed mommy daughter time
2) savannah not eating her shrimp because he was her pet fish and she needed to push him on the swing!! Dah!
3) amazing friends that comfort me
4) mothers day and having two sweet pieces of rob to remind me of why I am still here.

Joy journal

1) shade for the backyard
2) Joslyn 's letter to two young boys in our ward who lost their mom recently. Joslyn just gets Heavenly Fathers plan. Sometimes she is MY strength
3) kick boxing class- my first so fun!!
4) watching Joslyn play soccer- Reminds me of watching Rob play in high school. Boy do I miss that sweet man.

Joy

1) yesterday the girls and I jumped on the trampoline
2) eating dinner outside in this fabulous weather.
3) playing hide and seek with the girls. It brought back memories of when rob and I would play in highschool and just out of highschool. We had so much fun and would play for hours. I had the best hiding spots. What I wouldn't give to go back to those days.
Last night we had FHE and we spoke about the 10 commandments and how we need to have rules in our home. We started thinking about what rules were important for us. The 1st was to be clean ( clean minds and bodies) and the second was to be safe. Savannah had just snuck off somewhere and joslyn and I continued to talk about these important rules. Savannah comes back into the room white white-out plastered on her eyes like eye shadow. Haha so much for be clean and be safe. It was a classic moment and I spent the next hour cleaning her up. FHE to be continued.