New years

Old post that i meant to publish...It's new years eve and I am reflecting back on the years events.... What an emotional year... Jan- time of our lives. Amazing family vacation. Finances were in order. Family was so blissful. We really couldn't be any happier ( we in this life anyways) Feb- joslyns 8th birthday. Family sealing for time and all eternity 2.26.11. ( best day of our lives) March- Rob baptized joslyn and speaks for her confirmation. March 28 2011 the absolute worse news anyone can ever hear. Cancer stage 4 in your lungs. April- rob starts chemo March- more chemo May- chemo some more June- doctors tell us he has only months left on this earth. July- travel to California, Mexico, Arizona, Texas looking for an alternative cure... An alternative ending. July 29th said goodbye ( for now) to my love, my life, my dreams. This year was the worst year a family ever faces. This year our hearts were broken into a million pieces. This year ended our hopes and dreams.

Christmas eve

It's 1:30 am on Christmas. Once again I am unable to sleep. Its in the quiet hours of the night that my heart hurts the most. It just really is difficult to breath sometimes. I still play the "what if game" all the time. I dream that I would just wake from this nightmare. I was reflecting on last Christmas... Right before the holidays we were visiting with our good friends. We asked what their plans were for Christmas and they responded that they were headed to Utah for what might be the last christmas with their father ( he had been battling cancer for about six years). Little did I know it would be Robs last Christmas with us as well. That stupid cancer took away my husband and all of my dreams. It stole his life and mine. So I sit here crying wondering "what if". Remembering our last Christmas together. In the morning when the sun rises and day breaks, after my body is renewed and my tear ducts are all dried up I will celebrate the birth of our savior and a promise of eternal family. For now I will dream of him in his new Christmas eve Jammie's.